Poland's Secret Box
by MidnightSakuraBlossom and SYD
Summary: 5th in my collection of Hetalia/Spongebob parodies! Poland and Lithuania's friendship is hanging on the edge of a cliff when the former begins to show off a "secret box" and enticing Liet to steal it... and the "drama" label is totally sarcastic.


**Alright, my readers! Get ready for another weird and hopefully successful Hetalia/Spongebob parody: Poland's Secret Box! Starring Lithuania as Spongebob Squarepants and Poland as Patrick Star! (I did say it would be weird...)**

**Poland is being oddly secretive towards Lithuania lately; by carrying around a mysterious small shoebox and cracking up with laughter after gazing at it's contents. Lithuana's curiosity begins to soar as he wonders why Poland won't let him, his own friend, see his secret. Brace yourselves for a tale consisting of comedy, weirdness, friendship, drama, and one hell of a lot of questioning from the author herself as to why she wrote this! :)**

**Disclaimer: Neither Hetalia or Spongebob belong to me. I'm just your typical fanatic of both.**

**~MidnightSakuraBlossom**

**X**

**Poland's Secret Box**

**Written By: MidnightSakuraBlossom**

**Beta-ed By: StormofyourDestiny and her visiting cousin, Mackenzie**

**X**

"Poland! Poland!" A brown-haired man called out as he knocked on the door of his friend's house. He decided to visit since his crossdressing and kind of strange friend phoned him requesting happily to see him. "Hey come on, I can't stand out here all day!"

The man, otherwise addressed as the personification of Lithuania, took a step back as the door to the three-story home was flung open and left behind a huge gust of wind in it's path. The wind nearly knocking him off his feet.

Poland was standing in the door way looking not at all different. The nation's blond hair was still blowing in that random breeze with much volume like a female's, and he was nicely pulling off a white blouse and bright orange skirt with sandals (Lithuania tried not to stare at his legs and once straightening up from the knock-out gust of wind, and immediately met his eyes). For some reason, however, Poland was grinning and clutching a small brown shoebox to his chest.

Immediately, Poland jumped out of the doorway and randomly executed a perfect spin in the air before landing on the tips of his toes and striking a final pose, balancing the box with two fingers and smiling whilst looking upward.

Lithuania just blinked about fifty times, and then his eyes too shifted upward to see what he could possibly be looking at. But all he saw was the fair and cloudless, blue sky above them.

"Oh yes, Liet! I'm totally ready!" Poland said as a belated reply, breaking the pose and smiling at his friend whom looked back at him.

"Good. Well then, I guess we can do down the streets of Warsaw and get something to drink." Lithuania began to walk away from the house, and was surprised to see that the blond was not at his side. He stopped and turned to see that Poland was still clutching his box and staring at it as if in concentration. "Come on, Poland. You don't want to waste a day off, right?"

Poland snapped out of his trance and walked closer, fingers delicately brushing over the outer material as if to not harm anything. "First I have to put away my secret box."

with the box directly in his view, Lithuania couldn't help but notice it. And, looking at closer, he realized that this box looked oddly enticing...very enticing..the Lithuanian was in a trance and his eyes were glimmering, he so badly wanted to open that thing...

But then he caught himself, realizing that he shouldn't be so eager to find out what was inside. That was a complete violation of privacy and Poland may not approve of that, he didn't need to damage their friendship...that was the last thing he would want. But hold up! Since when was Poland ever a secretive person? He was always so...not like that, especially when it came to him.

"I have to, like, make sure what's inside never gets stolen." Poland babbled, protectively and yet not so protectively waving the box around and unknowingly fascinating Lithuania. "Otherwise, I'd be totally depressed about being so, like, careless."

"Poland...you never told me about your secret box." Lithuania mentioned, his smile was full of mischief and the way that the colors danced in his eyes meant something. Poland gasped as he grabbed an edge of the lid and attempted to lift it.

"HEY! Hands off, peeping tom!" Poland hissed, slamming a hand firmly onto the lid of the box and effectively weighing it down. Lithuania's own hand retreated in shock at the reaction. "This here is, like, MY secret box! POLAND'S secret box, see, not LIET'S secret box!" He released a breath and calmed down, the tone of his voice returning to normal and less pissed off. "Besides, showing you what's inside will totally ruin the secret! Like, DUH!"

Poland seemed to totally dismiss his earlier rant and his own friend's rather hopeless attempt to discover the secrets of which the mysterious box held. He turned his back and grinned as he lifted the lid of the box, he took one peek inside and immediately closed it as he started chuckling and finally laughing.

Poor Lithuania, whom still desired to see the secret, quietly slipped around Poland's frame and peeked at the box...it's too bad that the laughing nation had already closed the lid once he came around as if his sneaky antics.

"Oh, Liet," Poland whirled around to Lithuania, holding out the box purposely and letting the object of his desire seemingly sparkle in the sunlight. "If only you could, like, see the secret this box holds! It would totally CHANGE YOUR LIFE." His face contorted into a scowl at seeing his sneaky friend reach for the box, Poland huffed and turned away with it still held protectively.

Just like that, the duo's plans to go hang out in Warsaw blew up right there. Lithuania only desired, at this moment, to be able to see the awesome secret that Poland was purposely harboring. He thought up a strategy to convince him for a quick glimpse, and was silent for some number of seconds until...he got it.

Moving closer, Lithuania put on an innocent facade and slipped his arm around the Pole's shoulders in a friendly kind of fashion. Nothing more. He just wanted to see the damn contents of the box, okay? "It's okay, Poland. I know all about secrets."

"You do...?" Poland turned and his eyes widened a bit in fascination.

"I've got a huge amount of secrets that no other nation in the world knows!"

"Like what?"

"Well..." Lithuania thought for a minute, and returned Poland's smile as he babbled nonsensically, "It's no secret that the best thing about a secret, is secretly TELLING someone your secret. Thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets...SECRETLY."

Poland just stood there, his expression blank and his brain inwardly short-circuiting from that pure nonsense he had just been told. Never would he understand any of it. And, honestly, no sane person ever would in this lifetime.

Maybe this was a good sign. He was really catching the other nation's attention and childish fascination now. If Lithuania played his cards right, he would so get that box and could discover his friend's amusing secret within! Lithuania snapped a finger to bring Poland from his trance and then grinned.

"Would you like to know one of my secrets?"

"WOULD I?"

"Uh...okay..." Lithuania once again came close to Poland and wrapped his arm around him very affectionately. In a totally non homosexual fashion, mind you perverts. "Did you know that you're my best friend?" Seconds later, as Poland gasped and took in reality all crashing upon him, Lithuania backed up to give him space.

"No...way..." Rather than breaking down and allowing him to see the inside of his secret box, Poland was too sneaky and gleefully clapped his hands as he said, "Tell me more secrets, Liet!"

"Ugh...okay..."

Lithuania took in a breath and tried to think of some random stuff he could say. This certainly wasn't going the way that he wanted it to, he just wanted to see the inside of Poland's secret box! Was that too much to ask? Apparently...but he couldn't bear to disappoint Poland because the guy had this strange affect on him that, no perverts, did not mean he was falling hopelessly for him.

Or maybe...Poland was smarter than he lead on and was knowing exactly what he was doing. Purposely letting Lithuania's plotting backfire and blow up all in his face. Whatever the reason, Lithuania went on to 'tell secrets'.

**X**

"I sometimes don't mind working with Russia, but he scares me to death most of the time and I feel like he rapes me with his stare. I sleep with my socks on. I get nervous when eating food from Asian countries because you never know what the hell that China and anyone else puts in there. I think that suicide is becoming a major issue in my country. I've never been late to World Meetings. I have an overdue library book. I like to dance alone to romantic music. I'm kind of underweight for my height...AND, TO FINALLY FUCKING FINISH, I'M WEARING THREE PAIRS OF UNDERWEAR RIGHT NOW!"

Poland merely lied there in his yard, head resting on his secret box. His eyes were wide and his body was motionless with shock from Lithuania's 'secrets' and then the fact that he actually raised his voice at the end of it.

"Gasp." Replied Poland as he tried with a struggle to comprehend all of which he had been told. "Like, I never would have guessed you were such a scandal..."

Lithuania breathed deeply and staggered on his feet. He had literally stood there for about eleven minutes and four seconds trying to lure Poland into showing him his secret box. It wasn't as easy as he assumed, not at all. And it didn't seem right that he would keep things from him like this; weren't they friends?

"Now will you show me what's inside your box?" Lithuania asked, clasping his hands together and smiling a very hopeful and heartwarming smile that he hoped would be convincing. Poland, unfortunately, gasped and jumped off the ground to his feet while still holding that box.

"No way, Liet! I totally told you earlier," Poland turned with a huff and hugged the box as to make sure that it wouldn't be confiscated from him before he could even notice. "The secret is for me to know, and for nosy people like you to NEVER find out!"

"That's just not fair, Poland..."

"Humph. You may be an open book, Liet," Realizing he had just been insulted, in a _sophistiqué_ way by a person like Poland, Lithuania grimaced and planted his feet on the ground. "I'm totally more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are, like, an enigma..."

Poland looked up to a random little thought cloud above his head. And inside was an ordinary carton of milk sitting on a table. Then, in a blast of sparkles, a very cute pony with brown skin and light yellow mane wearing a stupid smile on it's face knocked over the carton and the white liquid spilled all over the place. He smiled fondly at this, before Lithuania's offended protest made it go away.

"Oh yeah? I have plenty of secret stuff!" Lithuania stammered for a moment, before gesturing to his feet. A closer inspection revealed that he was wearing a pair of white socks underneath his pants, but one of them was awkwardly drooping and revealing skin. "See? I have my secret socks on!"

Poland's facial expression became one of concern as he turned around and noticed Lithuania rapidly run away to one of the nearby hotels he was apparently going to stay at over here in Warsaw while visiting.

"Look! It's my secret 'stack of books' that I read when I can't sleep at night!" Lithuania shouted indignantly once returning, carrying an impossibly large stack of boring looking books before plopping them onto the ground. One could only wonder how the hell he would ever be able to read all of that in his entire life.

But it made sense...considering that as the personification of Lithuania, it was unlikely that he would ever die off like the mortal humans. Unless, of course, Russia became even more abusive and or Belarus tried to break his bones again.

Poland hadn't a chance to say anything, before Lithuania sprinted all the way back into the oddly convenient hotel and came back pushing a television set into the scene. "This is my SECRET TELEVISION! Not to mention the secret television CHANNEL!" With the press of one of the buttons, Lithuania turned on the large, brown television. It worked because it had a FREAKING LONG cord and was still plugged into the hotel room's socket. The channel it was on was nothing but unresponsive rainbow-colored lines horizontally stretching across the screen.

Lithuania smiled smugly, crossing his arms over his chest as if to show off his awkward socks, the pile of huge books with the titles written in his native language, and the TV AND channel. "What do you have to say to that, Poland? Poland...?"

He looked back to see Poland now lying on the lawn on his stomach, chuckling as he rubbed his fingers over the box lid. It was apparent that he didn't give a damn about any of the stuff that he had shown him proudly. Because he was too caught up in a real secret that was obviously something he was missing out on.

Once Poland lifted the lid, he gazed in. And promptly shoved it back on while laughing uncontrollably. Through his laughs, Lithuania could have sworn that he heard his name and something about photos. Eh, probably just wishful thinking going on.

Again, Poland looked into his secret box. It was obvious, this time, that he was trying so hard not to laugh at the contents. But...soon, he spat and the corners of his lips were twitching and daring to form a retarded smile. He glanced up at his curious friend, whom had walked over and was staring at him wondering if he should call a local doctor or something.

That's when he could no longer hold it in. Poland sat up and then collapsed backward laughing pure hysterically, so hysterically that it was almost killing his throat and ribs. The ribs because that was where the box was pressed towards to protect it from the Lithuanian.

"Maybe if you, like, saw what's inside my secret box you would understand why it has to be kept secret from the world." Getting up from the ground and wiping grass blades off his feminine clothes, Poland shoved the box back into Lithuania's face. "Inside this very box is like, totally the most secretest secret in all of secretdom! And...and it really is a heavy burden, Liet...to try and keep it disclosed from the unprepared world around us." Lithuania noticed that Poland was staring into town with an obviously affected expression by his moving explanation. He blinked, before carefully extending his sneaky fingers to the lid and just barely lift it. "Nobody!" Poland quickly slammed a palm back onto the box and effectively made Lithuania bring his offending hand back to himself. "Not even...GERMANY'S NOSY HOUSE."

Poland and Lithuania near held their breathes and didn't bother to release them as their craned their necks to gaze behind them. Their faces were pale as they looked up to see that Germany's house had randomly materialized in Poland's yard and was staring somehow very curiously at the secret box. And when it noticed that they had caught on to his presence and rapidly materialized away back to Germany.

Since totally random and things that were so hard to explain and defied and killed logic in every way possible happened all the time, the two nations just dismissed he fact that Germany's house had randomly appeared of it's own accord and returned to the original topic: that wonderfully secret, secret box.

"It's a full-time job, Liet." Poland looked behind him attentively, a surprisingly serious expression. "And I'm totally always on the alert for the one moment some kind of no-good peeping tom comes along and..."

The girly and brash nation turned back to look at Lithuania. His eyes widened and he gasped upon realizing that Lithuania was no longer there, neither was his secret box! Someone...someone sneaked up on him the second he turned his back and stole it! But...but who would do such a terrible thing?

The culprit, Lithuania, was already running downtown laughing manically in triumph with the box in hand. He wasn't watching where he was going until he slammed into what looked like a woman with a very flat chest up close. But when he fell onto his ass and looked up, he noticed it was really Poland glowering and gripping a newspaper he had snitched from a random person as if it were a deadly weapon.

"Liet! What the hell do you think you're doing? That's like, my secret box in your hands!" Poland seemingly tossed away the idea of beating Lithuania brutally with an impromptu weapon and dropped it before reaching and grasping his box that Lithuania had a vice grip on. "Hand it over this instant!"

"But Poland-!" Damn, for a person that looks so dainty and non-threatening, Poland had the most fierce and strong grip on the edge of the box and was almost about to successfully pull it from his desperate hold. "I must know the secret! We're friends, friends usually don't hide things from each other!"

"For the last time, Liet...NO."

"COME ON! You keep flaunting the box and making me too curious anyway, you're begging for someone to steal it!"

"For the last time, NEVER!"

The two ignored the crowd of Polish men, women, and children crowding around and staring at the pulling match going on between them. Lithuania still sat on the side of the street desperately tugging at the box to pull it back into his hands, but he was nowhere near as strong as Poland whom had both hands on it and strongly clawing in and pulling it closer to him. Their senses were thrown out, the only thing consuming them was the kind of bloodthirst of which all of the nations felt when at the peak of battle and war.

And then...it happened.

Lithuania's desperate grip on the box with one hand failed, he stared and gasped as his hand separated from the object and had fallen limp back to his side. Poland no longer looked pissed and was blinking in bewilderment as he realized he was still clawing the box with an iron grip.

People were still standing there staring and murmuring among themselves in their native tongue. But neither of the two cared considering what had just happened between them. It had been the first time they ever got that furious and, well, that struggle for the box could have easily escalated into a serious battle if it weren't for Poland's harbored strength and Lithuania's weak grasp.

But, the shock effect wore off and Poland glared at Lithuania and then his box. "So...it's come to this." He scoffed and reached into what might have been hammerspace, and Poland pulled out the legit proof of their relations. The paper. "And to think we, like, became friends...!"

The paper was shown to all, but Lithuania felt a bit of an ache in his chest when he took notice of the way Poland's voice had a cracked a bit after flashing the legit evidence of an agreement.

Finally, Poland crumpled the paper and tossed it back into hammerspace in some weird way that had no logical argument to back up it's work. He was obviously fighting back tearing up as he pointed a finger into Lithuania's face. "Listen up, Liet! If you EVER dare to come in within snitching distance of my secret box again...we totally won't be friends anymore!"

The way he said that...his tone was no deadly serious and enraged. It really wasn't the kind of tone that Poland used often, so he must have been very serious about ripping up that declaration of their good relations. All over a stupid little cardboard box. And Lithuania had no idea that the situation was this grim until he heard it for the first time. He sat up and could feel a wave of sadness wash over him as he was overcome with flashbacks.

**X**

_Lithuania's collection of flashbacks were all, not surprisingly, consisting of moments that him and Poland had at various times. As he lied there motionless, trying to not let tears spill over as Poland's intense glare burned into the back of his mind, he watched them play out dramatically._

_Lithuania recalled the first time that he and Poland had a long chat after meeting each other. It was nerve-wracking and kind of awkward._

_Lithuania could remember when Poland opened up to him and no longer acted reserved, that was when he started acting ridiculous on comedic levels and talk nonstop forever. But he didn't mind because it was so much better than worrying if Russia would torture or finish him off quickly that day._

_Lithuania, a bit hesitantly, recalled the times Poland put his Polish Rule into action when they played games. There was not a single time that he won against him, and he always wound up lying on the floor at his limits contemplating suicide while the blond man stood and laughed in victory._

_And most of all, Lithuania remembered the times that the both of them would spend countless hours on the phone. He had one hell of a bill afterward, but he kind of didn't care. As soon as Poland was finished talking about what he ate for lunch, how he was grooming his pony, what new frilly skirt he bought yesterday, what kind of plans he had for his home country to make it more (in his words) totally awesome to live in, he could return to his work piling up and get that out of the way with peace of mind._

**X**

When Lithuania's montage of multiple flashbacks concluded, he could feel the tears begin to well in his eyes and he couldn't get them to stop no matter how hard he tried. It was at this moment when he realized how ridiculous he had previously been; risking friendship just for some stupid little shoebox that probably wouldn't be all that worth it in the end of this tale!

"I feel so ashamed!" Lithuania pulled himself up off his ass, but still sat there on his knees grasping the hem of a turning and pouting Poland's skirt as if to make sure he didn't leave him here in this shameful state. "I've ruined our friendship just because of some stupid little box! Oh my God, it can't end this way!"

Yes, it was very shameful to do this to a friend. Poland hoped that Lithuania understood this. He folded his arms against his chest with the box still held securely and he was looking away, silently fuming about the situation. Even if Lithuania was on the ground basically embarrassing himself in front of these confused and not understanding people around them (basically because they couldn't speak English and this was what Lithuania and Poland were using because the author wants to perfect her nonexistent English skills).

"Poland, Poland," Poland's glare broke and his eyes almost softened when he craned his neck and watched a miserable Lithuania stand up to hull height and then grab his shoulders and rest his head against them. His blue eyes were glimmering with tears. "I know that this is your secret, you don't want anyone else to find out about it! Look, I know what it's like to be secretive! Oh please, just don't shred those legit papers just yet!"

And, as the seconds passed, Lithuania continued to be very dramatic and frantic as he pleaded to Poland for forgiveness. He really didn't know what came over himself, the box was just so mysterious and he hadn't seen anything that tempting since the last time he accidentally walked in on Belarus getting dressed and clad in only lacy underwear. He just...he just didn't know why he was bent on discovering the secret.

But if it was going to injure his relations Poland, he was willing to set aside his desires.

"Well..." His well-kept and cared for lips curved to a smile. Poland soon turned fully and pried Lithuania's hands off of him. "If you're, like, that apologetic and totally understand where I'm coming from...that's just so totally moving."

"So we're not going to end our friendship?" Asked Lithuania hopefully as he clasped his hands and smiled in relief.

"For now, we're going to be okay, Liet."

Lithuania sighed with much relief at the fact his friendship with Poland had just been mended after hanging on the edge of a cliff like that. Are there any words to describe how he felt? No, not at all.

And then, Poland had to ruin the moment and spike Lithuania's curiosity once again by shoving the box closer to him almost carelessly. "How could anyone, like, resist this fabulous secret contained within this box? It's totally the most amazing...mysterious...powerful secret in, like, all of the WORLD!"

Unbeknownst to Poland, Lithuania was already plotting how he would be able to snitch that box away without being too obvious. He almost forgot his pleas for their good relations to stay the same, the way Poland shoved the box at his torso was too enticing for him.

But, he soon snapped from his trance and smiled warmly as he met Poland's sparkling eyes. "So what do you say, Poland? Are we still going to be friends?" He outstretched his hand.

"Totally!" Poland's hand extended forward as well, and their palms met in a good-natured handshake to seal the deal.

But Lithuania still wanted to know the secret he was harboring.

**X**

"...Estonia, what could be in that box that box that Poland doesn't want me to see?" Lithuania said in exasperation, holding a phone close to his ear as he lied upside down on the hotel room's bed. Estonia, whom was on the other line, was silent as he let the exhausted and curious nation rant. "Do you think it's only one kind of something rare in the whole world? A porn stash? Or what if Poland is secretly leading a double life as a jewel thief and it's full of precious diamonds? Or what if he's a psychotic SERIAL KILLER whom keeps his victim's separated, disfigured heads in that box?"

Lithuania released a breath, as saying all of that real fast really took it's toll. He had returned to the hotel room a few hours ago after spending some time with Poland around Warsaw, secretly contemplating how to take the box. It was late at night but he was too anxious and worried to sleep. He still wore his casual clothes rather than getting comfortable to drift off.

Estonia finally seemed to register a comment to those questions. On the other line, he sighed as well and sounded eerily groggy as if Lithuania had woke him up by calling long distance so late. "Lithuania, I think you may be overreacting. Look, Poland obviously doesn't want you to know what kind of secret he has and it's understandable. Latvia always keeps secrets from me and I can't get them out of him no matter how hard I try. Maybe...maybe if you just give him some space and realize that EVERYONE has some secret they want to keep to themselves."

"You make some good points." Lithuania admitted with a faltering smile. The smile faded instantly once he gasped and bolted upward to a proper sitting position on the once-perfectly made bed. "But-but Estonia! What if he really does have something horrible in that box...like...what if it's an embarrassing snapshot of ME from the CHRISTMAS PARTY last year? OH MY GOD!"

If he could see Estonia on the other line, the groggy Baltic would probably have been flinching and holding out the phone as Lithuania's sharp scream abused his eardrums. Honestly, it should be noted that he thought Lithuania was going too crazy about Poland's secret. Why couldn't he just stop worrying and realize that everyone had secrets and some things were hard to reveal to others.

Besides, it was unlikely Poland had an embarrassing snapshot of Lithuania from the Christmas party. That was, no matter how much a truly mortified Lithuania argued, a once-in-a-lifetime type of picture and the overall moment was priceless to recall. Estonia himself had been given his own copy of the snapshot from Ukraine whom had been given one from Russia whom had received one from France whom had been told to give out to everyone by America whom was the first person to initiate this phenomenon by snapping it with his camera and making a lot of copys. Despite this, not many nations received their copy of the hilarious snapshot on time and some areas like South Korea, Scotland (why the hell would he want a copy of Lithuania's embarrassing snapshot...?), Hungary, and even Latvia were pissed.

"I have got to find out what's inside of Poland's secret box, Estonia! And I am not going to rest until I do!" Lithuania quickly slammed the phone back onto the hook on his beside table and jumped to his feet.

It was a good thing that he cautiously packed some stealth equipment before coming over to Warsaw. Otherwise, Lithuania wouldn't be able to act upon his whims in a situation like this one. He didn't care what Estonia had to say about it, he was going to find out what was inside of that box and why it made Poland so giggly and secretive!

Lithuania hastily reached for his suitcase resting beside the bed. He unlocked it and dug out all of his varies clothes and personal items until reaching what lied at the bottom. Black gloves, a black mask, a bag, and some rope and a pocketknife just in case things got sidetracked. And once putting on the mask and gloves, gathering his ammo, the overly-curious nation sneaked out of the hotel room and all the way to Poland's house.

**X**

The walk to Poland's house was very dramatic and nerve-wracking, Lithuania still managed to keep whatever bits and pieces remained of his cool as he slipped through the doorway which was always unlocked (he knew it would already be that way, as Poland could have ditzy tendencies and forget to lock it).

Once in the dark home, Lithuania hastily and yet as silently as could manage made his way up the stairs and into Poland's bedroom where he guessed the box would be. It didn't occur to him that it was stupid to go in there because what if Poland was a light sleeper? What if he was not as dumb as led him to believe and had a complex security system? And what if he was the mastermind here and had a double sound asleep in bed while he was stalking Lithuania from the shadows and laughing at his sad attempts?

Well, it didn't matter which of these theories were true. All that can be said is that would be hilarious in hindsight about one week from now when Estonia encounters him and asks how the the box heist went.

Lithuania's hand trembled as it outstretched towards the knob on the bedroom door. He finally had a good grip, and carefully opened it up...only for it to swing open and crash very loudly into the wall.

"Huh...? Who's...zzzzz..."

Lithuania felt like his heart was going to explode at that moment. He stood there in the open doorway, eyes widening and body tensing up as he looked in and watched (with the help of the fabulously pink lamp beside the bed on a desk) a mess of tangled blond hair lift up from the pillow and gaze around groggily before falling back into it.

Once the brief pausing of time settled, Lithuania inwardly released a sigh of relief. It looked like Poland was a heavy sleeper...if he couldn't wake up at hearing a door swing open as if it were oiled and then slam into a wall, mimicking the sound of a war tank getting bombed and thrown into a cave-like pit with pointy stalactites and stalagmites or something. He gazed around the room, noticing it's outlandishly decorated self before zeroing in on the desk beside Poland's bed. The box was innocently lying there beside the lamp. And it was within Poland's reach and iffy sight since he was facing that way.

Fuck.

Okay, this would have to be planned out scarily perfect if he wanted to look inside that box. And any mistake, keep in mind, will not only reveal himself as a thief but will also deeply affect the strange friendship. One the literal bright side...the lamp provided sight.

Lithuania was about to take a step forward when Poland started mumbling some nonsense in his sleep. He clasped a hand over his mouth for a moment, not daring to even breathe. But his friend seemed to return to his slumber thankfully.

So he took a step forward for real...it echoed throughout the room as if a car has just crashed through the house. Lithuania gasped quietly and tensed up again, but Poland was still asleep and clutching his silky red pillow to his chest as he babbled more sleepy gibberish.

Seconds went by too slowly, before Lithuania shusshed his feet as if they were the cause of that loud sound effect and took a few more steps forward...only for his left foot to land on a make-up kit laying on the floor. It sounded as if someone shattered a million glass objects at once.

This time, Poland bolted upright to a sitting position, his eyes wide open as if he was conscious again. "WHAT? THE NAZI GERMANS ARE INVADING?" Lithuania began to sweat and panic, but Poland's eyelids began to flutter closed and he collapsed backward sound asleep as if he didn't care that any of the so-called Nazi Germans were invading.

With a sigh of relief, Lithuania wiped the sweat building on his forehead and it all dropped onto the floor overly-dramatically and sounded as if about eight-hundred fat people decided to canonball into an ocean at once.

Poland merely babbled again and licked any disgustingly dripping salivia from his lips. Who knew he could be such a heavy sleeper? That previous sound affect would have been loud enough to wake even someone like Greece up from their slumber! Or at least cause someone to think that their house had just randomly gotten flooded by a bunch of Americans.

He had to be more careful, he didn't want to wake Poland up because this would ruin his very last good chance to snitch the box. If he wouldn't be such a secretive person all of a sudden, he wouldn't have to go through all of this trouble to steal the thing! Geez, it was times like this when Poland could really get on his nerves. Well, that and his random calls. But that's irrelevant now.

Lithuania prepared to take a few more steps and was soon to regret it when they sounded like rumbling thunder, screaming cats, towers and buildings falling to the ground, and a pregnant woman in agony. Poland didn't wake up one time, he rolled over occasionally...but that was about it. Luck seemed to be on his side.

By a miracle, Lithuania made it to Poland's desk after a lot of nerve-wracking steps that sounded very obnoxious and loud enough to wake up even the dead. You'd think that somewhere, up in Heaven...or hell...or some kinda resting place for disappeared nations, even ol' Rome and Germania could hear it and were wondering why the fuck the apocalypse was happening so soon.

There it was...the box laying innocently on the desk. He was almost there and it felt so good. Wait, that last part sounded kind of like a porno. Don't be mislead.

Lithuania reached out for the box, but then Poland sleepily sat up and quickly extended his hands to the box and pulled it back closer to his chest. While Lithuania cussed him out in his head, a content and dreamy smile appeared on the sleeping Poland's lips as he lied on his back with the box pressed into his upper torso protectively.

Oh...he was good.

But Lithuania was not about to call it quits now. Not when he was so close to getting what he desired. His gleaming blue eyes shifted back and forth before he walked over to the bed and quickly and silently climbed up and lied on top of his friend, his hands finally grasping the box and holding it high.

"Ah..." It was either realization of the fact he was lying atop him facing upwards, or the fact that Poland had just said something again and could wake up to see him. Take our word for it, Lithuania had a very paranoid expression on his features as he lied there very still and hoping that he wasn't detected.

How someone could NOT detect a guy lying on his back on top of your stomach as if it was some kind of odd sex position, we will probably never know.

"My totally cute secret box...let's see what's, like, inside..." Poland said in his sleep, if only Lithuania could see the playful smile on his lips, it was kind of endearing. Anyway, Poland's hand went up to Lithuania's mouth, mistaking it for the box, and forcefully shoved his knuckle in and pulled out his tongue (that's what she said...?). "Hahaha~ Nightie night, boxie~"

Lithuania wore the most terrified expression as he was shoved off of Poland and tucked in at his side on the bed. Poland turned over and cuddling his pillow again, leaving his friend with the box.

Well, even if it was done in a very creepy fashion, he got what he came for. All was good in Lithuania's world. He rolled off the bed to his feet and smiled contently as he slipped the object of his desire under his arm pit and prepared to exit the room.

Alas, his shoelaces had come untied. Lithuania gasped loudly and chucked the box accidentally as he went falling forward having stepped onto them.

From the outside of Poland's home, very loud noises could be heard. Echoing horns, screechy violins, bangs, slams, sirens whirring, enraged chickens, war tanks charging to the targeted zone, war cries, explosions, and missile fires mixing in with each other. And that was because of Lithuania falling and bumping into furniture which set off a chain reaction of a lot of other furniture pieces toppling over.

Back inside, Lithuania crashed into a wall and slumped against it painfully. A picture hanging above him (containing a photo of him failing to smile in obvious embarrassment while wearing a pretty dress that Poland forced him to wear one time, and Poland laughing as he rested his head on his shoulder and giving a one-sided hug) fell on of the wall and onto floor by his side. The frame broke and the picture was ripped after a makeup tool pierced through it after tumbling over.

And at long last, the secret box landed painfully in Lithuania's lap, making a final loud noise that could easily be mistaken for a nuclear explosion.

His eyes screwed shut and he could only sit there awaiting to hear Poland's pissed tone that he thankfully didn't hear often. Unless something REALLY terrible happened to snap even him. But even after several seconds, Poland never once moved and yelled at him.

Lithuania thought that maybe this was his chance to get away. He opened his eyes to see that Poland was still sound asleep and there was a crap ton of toppled over furniture and items scattering the floor. He couldn't help but feel a bit, well, a lot guilty about what he had done. But the feeling was replaced with one of amazement at the fact his friend could sleep through all of that unrestrained chaos.

"Wow...Poland sure is a heavy sleeper." Lithuania commented quietly, scratching his head in confusion. How could anyone have gotten the idea he slept lightly?

But everything seemed to come to a crashing halt when Poland rolled back to his left side and his eyes snapped open as he lied there, now fully awake and terrified. "WHO-WHO SAID THAT? LIKE, WHO'S THERE?"

"Ummmm..." Lithuania could only sit and return the shocked expression. He was busted and he knew it.

"IT'S LIKE, A VERY UNFASHIONABLY-DRESSED BURGLER!" Poland's gaze lowered to the box and he sat up, clawing his covers and near ripping them. "And he's totally stealing my secret box!"

Immediately, Poland flung himself out of bed armed with his totally fashionable and deadly silk pillow. Lithuania's gaze lowered to his stylish pale orange pajamas and then back to his angry face.

"You better cough up that secret box, burglar! And prepare for the most totally horrific and unpleasant pillow fight of your life!" With a scowl, Poland tugged the pillow with both hands causing it to make the sound of loading bullets into a gun. He then readied his weapon, about to start a very horrific and gory bloodfest of an unmanly pillow fight.

Holy shit. That sound of the pillow didn't seem inviting at all. He could do some serious killing! Frightened, Lithuania blew his cover for now or never by tossing off his black gloves and the bag, and ripped the black mask off of his face.

"Poland, it's me! Lithuania!" Lithuania cried, forcing a look of pure innocence on his face despite how he had previously been caught red-handed with the box theft.

Seriously, Poland seemed to contemplate that theory as his scowl melted away. He almost seemed to be convinced that it was really Lithuania, until he glowered again and grasped the pillow rougher than before. There was no way that he was that ditzy enough to believe a thief! Especially one with such horrible taste in clothing and going as far as to disguise himself as his BFF to put him off guard!

"Ha! Nice try, burglar!" Poland raised his unlikely weapon high above him, ready to begin the unmanly and gory pillow fight he previously threatened him with. "Liet is, like, my BFF! I trust him too much to pull off such a scandal because he would NEVER DARE steal from an ally!"

"NO...! Poland, look!" Poland froze when he saw what Lithuania pulled out. He gasped and lowered his weapon as the tears began to well up in his eyes.

Lithuania whipped out his copy of the legit papers that they signed to establish their friendship. It was all there in plain sight, no regular human other than the nations bosses could have copies of those. Upon seeing this, Poland began to tremble and near drop the pillow.

"The legit evidence of our friendship...it is you..." The dam broke and tears began to stream from Poland's eyes, he shook his head, bewildered by what he had done. "How could you, like, try to do something so sneaky...? Why...?"

Poland pressed the pillow to his faze and began to sob hysterically and cry into it, Lithuania got up from the ground, feeling like even more of a fucking idiot, and held it out for him.

"If it makes you feel any better, I wasn't able to look inside the box."

Rather than being cheered up by his act of sympathy, Poland tossed his pillow aside and hastily grabbed his secret box, pulling it towards him very protectively and turning away as the tears began to pour freely.

"That is IT, Liet. You have crossed the line, I don't feel as though I can, like, put any more trust into you..." Poland wiped some of the tears and slammed a palm to the lid of the box. "As of this moment, I declare this friendship OVER FOREVER!"

Oh God, he really did cross the line this time. His curiosity had just damaged his friendship with Poland, quote, forever, unquote! Yeah, Poland was a bit strange and annoying sometimes...but Lithuania really did consider him a friend by the end of the day when he reflected upon everything. Now all of that was ruined...because of a box.

He felt so ashamed and horrible now, there was absolutely no way to describe it...!  
>"Re-really, Poland...?" Lithuania choked taking a step forward and extending a hand as the tears began to build in his eyes.<p>

There was a brief period of dramatic silence. And then...

Poland's tears dried and he was prompt in whirling around grinning as he held out his box. "Like, of course NOT! You can totally look inside of the box! If you went through all of this trouble, risking our friendship like that, then it must mean something!"

Well, that was a shocking twist. But Lithuania didn't care. His tears dried and he gasped happily before agreeing to take a peek of the secret contents considering he came all the way here for it.

This had to be one of the most exciting moments of his entire existence. He was about to get the first and last glimpse of the most powerful and amazing secret that the world could ever behold! Taking a deep breath and trying to calm his rapidly beating heart, Lithuania grabbed the lid of the box and yanked it off without hesitation after seeing the totally cool and approving look on Poland's face. This was it...! The moment he had been craving to be a part of...!

...Or was it?

All of Lithuania's excitement that was once pumping and reaching high points was drained and came to a halt. All of his expectations were shattered. He could have sworn that he heard a cartoon-ish sound effect of fail ringing in his head at that moment. As his smile shattered and a look of confusion and disappointment formed on his face.

"...Well? Didn't I, like, tell you?" Poland asked with a bit of a mischievous smile forming on his lips. "Isn't it totally the most fabulous secret you've EVER had the pleasure of viewing?"

"It's...it's..." Lithuania struggled to acknowledge the contents of the box. It just wouldn't come out in his state of severe disappointment. "It's just a string."

There was, in fact, a single small piece of string inside of the box. Sure it was a gorgeous shade of purple, but STILL. THIS was Poland's epic secret that he previously was trying to keep restricted and claimed was too awesome for the world to bear. THIS was what made him crack up in laughter. THIS was what Lithuania spent all day craving to get a glimpse of. And now he felt like a huge retard.

"It's like, a SECRET string~!" Poland was obviously trying to hold back laughter as he said this, but Lithuania didn't notice because he was too busy staring sadly at the vibrant purple string in the box.

Still, knowing that Poland had a lot of random tendencies, Lithuania didn't want to show his disappointment to all of this. He looked up at Poland smiling almost naughtily and forced a laugh as if he had seen this coming.

But there was nothing in the world that could hide his embarrassment right now.

"Yes...you're right about that, Poland. That is one secret box you have. Um...thanks for letting me see that regardless of how ridiculous I acted." Lithuania hurriedly placed the lid back over the box and then the his face began to lightly turn red as he walked out of the room. "Well...goodnight."

"Goodnight, Liet!"

Lithuania awkwardly stepped out of the room after taking one last look at the damage he caused and then Poland still standing there waving delicately and holding the box. He quickly closed the door and leaned against it, releasing a sigh.

"I...I should have seen that coming. It was just a string all along..." Despite the heat really burning his cheeks, Lithuania laughed to himself. "I can't wait until I call back Estonia tomorrow and fill him in on the details of the heist..."

Lithuania left the room and the house, trudging all the way back to the hotel and feeling very awkward and yet relieved that he didn't royally screw up everything with his friend. And Poland still stood there smiling for several seconds until he was sure that he was totally alone.

And then...Poland's smile began to falter momentarily, before turning into a huge cheshire cat grin as he laughed very creepily. No, no he wasn't acting like an escaped patient from a mental institution out for revenge, he was just extremely amused by the turn of events.

When the laughter subsided, Poland continued to grin as he tossed the box lid to the floor. "Good thing that Liet didn't PULL the mysteriously secret secret string. Which would open the," He paused and gave the fabulously purple string a tug, pulling it outward and revealing that it was very long and attached to the box itself elaborately. It opened a small panel on the side. "Secret COMPARTMENT of my like, totally mysterious secret box!"

Not caring about the rest of the elaborately-set up box, Poland grabbed a photo out from the compartment and then threw the item behind him. As he gazed at the photo in his hands, he began to feel the hysterical laughter coming on.

"...Which contains the most hilarious thing in the, like, whole world. A REALLY embarrassing snapshot of Liet from the Christmas party!" Cue the hysterical laughter. "Ahahahaha~ oh God~! Merry Christmas, Liet! Ahahahahaaa~!"

**The End**

**X**

**Jesus Christ, what have I done? XD I. REGRET. NOTHING.**

**Just so you know, I originally intended to not reveal what was on the photo. But because I'm feeling not quite as secretive and troll-ish as Poland, I will tell you all: The embarrassing snapshot of Lithuania was taken at Christmas Party at a World Meeting America decided to hold. Lithuania, Poland, and a lot of other people were just about forced to attend and stay. Lithuania got into some alcohol and he got so wasted that he started acting so unlike himself; he was brash and bouncing off the walls. He even pulled a stunned Latvia into a kiss, but that's beside the point. Anyway, in the snapshot, Lithuania is lying upside down on a couch in the middle of laughing like a madman and is wearing nothing but his underwear and a very patriotic American lampshade (MADE IN MY HOME STATE. FUCK YEAH. ^_^) on his head. Russia is sitting beside him staring with a surprisingly bemused expression and Latvia is on the other blushing furiously and looking away from the camera with a horrified expression.**

**Well, I do hope that you enjoyed this very strange story. I love writing these things. So much. And if you have any suggestions for other parodies, please add them in your review! Just tell me what episode and what characters to use for main roles and I will seriously consider it!**

**Read and review and have a good life~**

**~MidnightSakuraBlossom**


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